The Pit of Shit
I call it the Pit of Shit.
The negative, low, dark, depressing, confusing, hazy space we all experience at some point between coming off a mountain top (thriving) and resurfacing from the water (surviving). The place where we feel like a shell of the person we used to be, where we now question who we are and the meaning of life. The place where we feel paralyzed with fear, anxiety, doubt, and shame unsure of what to do next. The place where we feel like giving in and accepting this paralysis as our new normal. In the Pit, we swim around in haphazard circles with no clear direction on how to get out. This is the place where survival is our primary goal.
The Pit of Shit is real but surmountable when put in to perspective.
Swimming in the Pit
While painful, The Pit is a pool of thousands of learning moments designed for us to find and apply to daily life. My Pit provided an opportunity to fill gaps I didn’t know were missing and gaps I knew were missing but didn’t want to deal with. Emotionally intelligent gaps like perfectionism, people pleasing, and self-compassion, to name just a few. It was a Divine forcing function that provided me only 2 options 1: give up 2: figure it out. Thankfully, somewhere along the way, I learned I’m not one to give up (something I learned in a previous Pit) so I picked option #2.
Figuring it out required A LOT of self-reflection and analysis which resulted in A LOT of stress, anxiety, doubts, and tears (nothing different than what the Pit offered before) but now I chose to be intentional about how I used that stress, anxiety, doubt and tears. Being consumed by those feelings is the very bottom of the Pit. The moment I decided to instead channel those feelings in to a solution was the first step needed to climb out.
Swim with intention
Swimming with intention means accepting that you’re going to be here for a while and looking at these painful moments as lessons that teach you more about yourself. Knowing more about yourself makes you stronger for the next lesson and the next and the next. The lessons may not be clear right away so it’s important to use this time wisely. Write down what’s happening and how you’re feeling about it. Eventually, you’ll be able to put it all together in a way that makes sense as there is meaning to these moments. I relate it to putting a puzzle together except the Pit doesn’t give you the picture of what it’s supposed to look like nor does it give you the pieces in a nicely packaged box. This is not a weekend deal – it can be sloooowwwwwww and painful. Accepting that fact was another step. Every tough moment I experienced was another puzzle piece I threw on the table knowing it was there for a reason but not knowing why.
The slow and painful learning process required me to take many days one hour at a time, sometimes one action at a time. For example, on several occasions, just getting up in the morning was a mountain to climb. I worried about the day ahead, the week ahead and before I even realized it, I was catastrophizing my life before I even opened my eyes. I’ve worried for so long that it became an automatic place to return when I was confused and didn’t know how to tell my brain what to think. Something I was familiar with and knew how to do well. One catastrophe led in to another and another and another creating a catastronado (catastrophe + tornado).
Other days were better. Some were even filled with inspiration and motivation, if only for a short while. In the practice of gratitude, I held on to these moments in place of the worry. I gave my brain a moment to relax and simply to just ‘be’. At times, I was too emotionally drained to worry which sounds slightly peaceful but also meant I was too emotionally drained to feel anything else either.
I built a new habit of studying these pieces by journaling, setting an intention for every day and praying. This was dedicated time to problem-solve. It was like I was working on solving a murder case, standing in front of a board full of pictures of key people connected to each other with a red string determined to solve the puzzle.
Putting it all Together
I don’t know how many pieces are in this puzzle but they are all different sizes and colors that come at any given moment in any given order. When putting together a typical puzzle, you start with creating the border. I defined the pit of the Pit, the darkest moment, as a border piece. A boundary line I intellectually knew I had but now truly understood what meant. For example, respect is my #1 core value. I’ve known this for a long time. Truly experiencing disrespect, which was part of my slide down in to the Pit, gave my core value more power and importance (the lesson) which gave me the permission to start commanding it (the lesson applied to life). Prior to this realization, I accepted disrespectful moments as “no big deal” and tolerated it – not realizing the effect it was having on me. The Pit taught me how to deal with those inevitable disrespectful moments with others and myself (the boundary).
In these moments, I developed a practice of listening to my core. Through mindfulness, yoga, prayer and intention, I found an inner voice giving me direction and telling me right from wrong. This voice was always there, I just started listening to it. This voice further developed my values, identified my opportunities for growth and gave me the courage to stop fighting things alone, the courage to bring my support group closer, the courage to ask for what I needed, and the courage to be vulnerable – caring less about being perfect, caring less about what people think and caring more about myself.
The Pit led me to the Bible in which I found more and more answers. In a Divinely miraculous way, various verses, directly applicable to my situations, appeared as a guiding light to keep climbing. Many times bringing me to tears of gratitude. I saw many God moments on a daily basis which gave me increased strength and peace with each occurrence. He gave me new goals, direction and comfort. It all started making sense again. I now knew where the negativity was coming from (the enemy) and what the antidote was. Not only did I start understanding it, I started putting it into practice. New doors were opened. New friendships were formed. New professional opportunities surfaced. More importantly, opportunities for me to encourage this in others surfaced as well. I will never be perfect at it, but we’re not supposed to be. It’s a practice we’re here to encourage others with.
The Pit will always be there, ready to trap you in your weakest moment but we do not need to let that happen. We must not give in to it or give up trying to find our way out.
This is the impact of your God-given strength, your God-given Core.
Sources of strength
Lamentations 3: 55 I called on your name, Lord, from the depths of the pit
Lamentations 3: 20-22 I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me. Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.
Luke 1: 78-79 Because of the tender mercy of our God, by which the rising sun will come to us from heaven to shine on those living in darkness and in the shadow of death, to guide our feet into the path of peace
Psalm 40: 2 He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand
Psalm 69: 14-15 Rescue me from the mire, do not let me sink; deliver me from those who hate me, from the deep waters. Do not let the floodwaters engulf me or the depths swallow me up or the pit close its mouth over me
Proverbs 11: 25 A generous person will prosper; whoever refreshes others will be refreshed