Believe in More

I have worked really hard over the past few weeks. Hardly thought about anything else, focused on one goal, well over 40 hours a week, hard. Friday was a goal met and while in theory no one “wants” to work more than they have to or “wants” to put in extra effort, there’s something meaningful in doing just that. 

I felt awesome that night. Accomplished. Deserving. Confident. Proud.  Eager to take on the next challenge.  This is what has been lacking. ‘Good enough’ is not good enough for me and for a long time, that’s all I was after. Doing just enough to get by. Am I a perfectionist? Maybe. Or, from another perspective, am I goal oriented, focused and willing to do whatever it takes to achieve a meaningful goal?

During these past few weeks, I didn’t overthink anything, I didn’t let fear or anxiety grab hold, I didn’t care what people thought. Surprisingly, I thrived in the anxiety that did come because I knew what was on the other side of it. I knew I was capable of pushing through it. I even laughed in its face and thought “watch this”.  I knew I had a supportive team. I knew I was doing the right thing. I knew what I was after. It feels good to work hard towards something challenging, towards something you feel so passionately about.

The situation was going to be the situation no matter what. The anxiety was going to be there no matter what. The negative environment was still the negative environment. The difference is that I had a goal that pulled me through that quicksand. Without that, you sink. Going through the motions with no deliberate intent or purpose, you sink.

While on this high over the weekend, I fell in love again with possibility. It’s energizing to think about what could be, exciting to think about the journey to get there, and satisfying to feel accomplished. ‘Good enough’ is not good enough.  Sometimes it’s even soul crushing. Want more. Work hard for more. Believe in more.

Mark 9:23
“If you can?” said Jesus. “everything is possible for one who believes.”

Proverbs 13: 19
A longing fulfilled is sweet to the soul.