Get Back on Track
I feel miserable and I don’t know why.
Something was clearly different. I don’t know what changed but I was not feeling good about how my life was. I was frustrated more than I was happy and at the time, it appeared to all be money related. I was making nearly twice that of my starting salary and felt I didn’t have enough. I received a $6,000 bonus one year for performance and felt like a failure. I saw all of these people around me who seemed to have the life I felt I needed but I never used to feel this way. Sure, I envied people for a variety of reasons, but not to the extent where I felt a paralyzing fear of failure, judgment and not measuring up. Something had to change so I took some time to reflect to figure out why I couldn’t be happy.
Most of this revolved around the workplace so I focused on that piece of my life’s pie. The last time I felt happy was when I started my career. I had a great starting salary, was eager to learn a new job at a great company, and thrilled with the opportunities ahead. It was the 2008 economic crash and I felt unbelievably fortunate that despite what was happening around the country, I was able to embark on this new & exciting journey. I was so grateful, appreciative and humbled. I don’t know what I did to deserve this but I knew I had to work hard to truly earn all of these great things that were happening to me and I was ready!
Throughout the first several years of being an HR professional, I was eager to take on more and more so I could learn & gain experience and get to where I really wanted to be. (Besides flying for the first time alone…) I wasn’t afraid of much. Many said “you’ll regret wanting to take on so much” and I thought ‘there is no way’. I was managing my workload really well (had time & energy to spare!) and there were so many opportunities around me, why wouldn’t someone take advantage? I was being given a chance to do something not everyone gets to do and enjoyed working hard. My focus was channeling all of this creative & productive energy to do great work (in my boss’ eyes and mine), and was having fun in the process! To see hard work pay-off is incredibly rewarding. And I was financially rewarded for my work. I didn’t even think about my paycheck. I knew it was there and that the bills would be paid. Several promotions, pay raises, and bonuses followed. My attitude was positive and energetic, my confidence was high, and I was on the ride of my life. Even after several years, I still felt so fortunate for all that had been given to me.
Why didn’t I feel that way anymore? I was moving along in my career still doing good work (in my boss’ mind, but no longer in mine). The world was still changing just as fast as before, but now it frustrated me. All of my creative energy went into dwelling on not being good enough, fast enough, smart enough, etc. I no longer felt on top of the world.
I realized somewhere along the way, my focus shifted from loving what I do to the dollar sign. My goal now was to make more & more money. I was still good at my job, but this time I was expecting a huge financial payout at some point for my efforts. I lost sight of my ideas, my confidence, my knowledge & my creativity and tried to be what I thought was successful in ‘their’ eyes. I spent hours trying to make everything perfect. I couldn’t make a mistake. I didn’t want to be a failure and miss out on even more of a raise or an even higher bonus. What a disappointment I could be. The work wasn’t happening fast enough, emails weren’t answered quickly enough, and my ideas were no longer good enough. I was no longer winning.
Then it hit me. The game changer was I had lost my energetic mindset to learn something new, my perspective, and more importantly, my gratitude. What I gained was clarity on my true values.
Learning:
-It’s fun trying something new
-If your desire to learn is stronger than your fear, nothing will stop you
-Learning what you don’t want is just as valuable as learning what you do want
-What would you do if there was no judgment, no fear, no failure?
Perspective:
–The only thing you can change is your attitude, your perspective and your actions
–Understanding your values will lead you to the perspective you need to get back on the right path
–Your perspective will change throughout your life. Accept this and learn the cues as to when it’s happening
–Who is telling you ‘you’re not enough?’ (Answer: it’s you)
Gratitude:
–You get (not have) to go to work today
-You are present enough to turn challenges into opportunities
-With the right mindset & perspective, your potential is limitless
When you have those feelings that say ‘something just isn’t right’, take the time to study them and reset. What is missing from your life? What are those non-negotiable attributes that make you feel on track?